Embracing Limitations and Utter Dependence (Matthew 26)

I am a limited being who likes to believe delusions and lies and the world and satan about what i am capable of in this life.  i like to imagine i am strong enough of my own volition.  i try to control all these things only to come to the end of my rope…alone and lost.   i think i can find my way…find the answers to the universe within myself only to wake up and know i don’t have a safe place to land.  Some how i always put baby in a corner and i wind up at a loss with no way out from the corner.  i betray the truth.  i deny the truth.  i weep when i finally see what i have done and the magnitude of all these sins that can’t be undone by me. Then i fall on my knees to confess i am not a capable being…i need to cast my independence away.  Utter dependence comes in breathing deep.  Letting my soul weep at the loss of humanity cast into the depths of despair until at last i cry for the sin i’ve been and caused and the betrayal that can only be undone by confessing i am alone outside of Jesus and i need him more deeply than anything in this world.  Even in my confession i am weak and i will sin again and again the difference is that now He is holding out His hand telling me His love, grace and mercy has covered my limitations, my independence, my shame, my pride, my sins.  He’s taken this empty soul and breathed life into it by His Spirit and no longer do i have to be limited by fear and pride, but i can lean on him in utter dependence and know i am free and whole and known…these sins don’t define me anymore or ever again, because He has already bore them.

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