The Place i Find Security and Uncertainty

These days are often long as my heart yearns for something different.  There is an incredible restlessness in my life right now.  Often i feel burnt out in the daily living.  Yet in my heart there is a desire to do more.  It is not uncommon that the very best parts of my day and the most stressful parts of my day occur in the same place, creating a brutal tension in my mind and heart as i look west.  i pray early, often, and late.  i breathe in and i breathe out, and this feeling that has settled in my gut is unrelenting and i pray for some sort of unburdening.  My mind wants safety in answers and a defined path, but my heart knows nothing is quite so cut and dry, when living out faith.  There is a part of me that wonders if this wandering in the wilderness could last 40 years or more? Does my faith hang in the balance of what will happen and unsaid expectations bouncing around this head.  Or is my relationship more secure than that?  i’m not sure how i feel about security and up rises the uneasiness i feel nearly every moment of my waking existence.  i know i can be ok with all of it–everything that i face each day if i just have Jesus.  i don’t want the world and it’s charms, there is nothing in that that for me, just give me Jesus. Some how the balance of security and uncertainty finds a place of rest in that name–Jesus.

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