Words Wednesday

Unburdened and Becoming: A Continuation
The Narrative i Write
The Narrative i Have Carried and Will Carry

It must have been about six or seven years ago, that I really started to explore life as narrative.  It has transformed the lens through which i view life, how i attempt to live my life, and how i assess this living i do.  The idea of narrative and life was brought to my attention by author Donald Miller.  The moment i read his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, i was changed, and the resonance of it has impacted me…skin and bone…all of me.  i must admit that my own narrative, even since reading Don’s words, is still quite the mix.

This is to say, there are times when i feel as if this narrative might be meaningful.  But there are many days, most in fact, that seem largely mundane—devoid of living with purpose.  A life moving through the motions as it were.  The kind of story you would be unimpressed with—the kind that if it were on a big screen you would demand your money back.  That is not to say that meaning is not rampantly pulsing through my veins, but rather the fear beating in my heart is often pumping quicker.

Often this fear is lined with remnants of stories i have carried for way too long.  Some were pushed upon me and some i constructed to make sense of things that have happened throughout my journey.

Many, in fact almost all, are stories that tell me that i am not worthy or valuable or good enough.

These stories have one liners that read like this:

You are crazy
You are too needy
No one really cares about you
You are dumb
You will never be good enough
You are ugly
No one really likes you
You will fail
You are…
You will…
No one…

All these hovering and defining thoughts go on and on and have held me as a captive to fear.

The number of assurances or of compliments never seem to outweigh the barrage of negative stories i am willing to accept and even create.  i realize i have let these hijack my narrative.

Even at times when my outsides appear to have been achieving meaningful movement the negative stories constructed are almost certainly weighing me down on the inside eventually stalling the outside momentum.

So in 2017 unburdened and becoming means redeeming these negative narratives.  It means letting go and writing my true version of my narrative.  It means not giving those voices power any more.  It means reclaiming my power and my voice.  It means holding my head high and refusing to be ashamed of who i have been, and who i am in any given moment.

It means no more shame—shame will not define me.

It means holding on—not going down without a fight.

It means fight for truth, light, goodness, and LOVE.

It means finding my way without trying to live up to stories that sold me short for far too long.

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